Badass
by StarFixation
Summary: when Mihashi gets tricked by a reporter for his school's newspaper into an interview he gets Nishihiro to hypnotize him so he doesn't say anything stupid, and that always works right?


_Theme: Badass_

_Warnings?: Many! I wrote this after listening to the Natalie Portman Rap. I was going to put this with All You have to do is Ask, but it was too liberal with the usage of the F word and such._

_Disclaimer: While Mihashi may act Ooc in this, that doesn't mean I own him, unfortunately… _

_Oh yeah, and while this makes reference to Dark Mihashi, you don't have to read it to enjoy this fic!_

* * *

Mihashi fidgeted in his seat across from Jun Watase, a school reporter from Nishiura's journalism club. Jun had pulled him aside during break one day and asked, well actually she told him, if she could have an interview with the school's ace pitcher. Without Abe there to refuse for him or at least help him in some way he had allowed the pushy girl to push him into meeting her again after school at the practice field for the in depth interview. But just because Abe hadn't been there to help Mihashi didn't mean that he wasn't prepared. Immediately after Jun left he ran into Nishihiro whom he had one question for.

"D-do you still know hypnosis Nishihiro-kun?"

Mihashi took a deep breath, knowing that the moment that the interview started Nishihiro's hypnotic suggestion would go into effect. Hopefully this time though he wouldn't become evil or try to molest Abe or something…

"Okay Mihashi-kun, let's get started," Jun said pulling out a small voice recorder. She put it to her mouth and began to speak, "today I'm interviewing the ace pitcher Ren Mihashi, Say hello Mihashi-kun."

"um… h-hello," Mihashi sputtered, worried that the hypnosis wasn't going to take effect.

"Well Mihashi-kun, what's a day in your life like?" Jun asked, brightly. The reporter couldn't help but notice that suddenly after she asked her first question a stark change passed over the seemingly weak and stuttering pitcher that was sitting before her.

"Do you really wanna know?" he asked coyly with an air of mystery.

"Please, do tell…"

A wicked grin spread across Mihashi's face, "Well…"

* * *

Across the field a few moments before the entire team saw Mihashi sitting in the clubhouse with a mystery girl.

"Oh yeah, go Mihashi!" Tajima whooped.

Abe wasn't pleased, "Why the hell would he bring a girl here?"

"Oh that must be the reported Mihashi told me about," Nishihiro answered.

"Reporter?" Abe nearly screamed. "But he can barely speak coherently when he talks to us!"

"Not to worry," Nishihiro smiled nervously. "I hypnotized him again and made him confident again."

At that Abe froze, "You don't mean…"

Nishihiro then realized what he had done, "Oh shit."

But before anyone on the team could rush over to undo the hypnotic spell hip hop music began pouring out of the clubhouse.

* * *

"_I don't sleep motherfucker off that dip and that Durban, pitching 120 getting head while I'm workin'._" Mihashi explained in an angry rapper voice.

"Dang, Mihashi, you're a crazy pitch-" Jun started to say.

"_Yo shut the fuck up and suck my clit!_" Mihashi shouted, gesturing to his crotch

"I hope you mean that ironically," Jun grunted.

"_I bust in Abe's mouth like gusher's motherfucker,_" he shouted. "_Roll up on FMA and slap the shit outta Shou tucker!"_

"You do know that Shou tucker is a fictional character, right?" Jun asked, moving onto her next question. "What do you want out of life Mihashi-kun?"

"_To drink and fight!"_

Jun rephrased her question, "what do you need in life?"

"_To pitch all night!"_ Mihashi exclaimed. "_Don't test me when I'm cranky without my food, put my foot down your throat till your shit's' in my shoe!_"

"Shit's it your shoe… got it."

"_Leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning, fuck your man it's my name that's he's screaming!" _Mihashi shouted.

"Wait does that mean you're gay?" Jun asked. "No wait, does this mean you pitch drunk?"

"I never said I was a role model," Mihashi shrugged.

"What about the kids in our school who look up to you?" she asked. "Don't you have anything to say to them?"

Mihashi nodded, "_All the kids looking up t me can suck my clit!"_

"I still hope you mean that ironically,"

"_It's Mihashi motherfucker, drink till I'm sick! Kill a goat! Pour its blood down a hole! While I laugh it dies and while my master rises!"_

"And you're a Satanist? This is pure gold!"

"_And all the dudes? You know I'm talkin' to you!" _he shouted pointing to his teammates who were sprinting to them.

"Please stop this Mihashi!" Abe shouted.

"_I wanna fuck you too! M's for-" _

"Mihashi!"

"_R is for rookie, I'll kill your fucking dog for fun so don't push me!"_

"Wow Mihashi, I'm surprised," Jun exclaimed. "all this from a Mihoshi Academy graduate?"

"There's a lot you may not know about me," Mihashi said casually.

"Really?" Jun asked, pushing the voice recorder to the pitcher's face. "Do tell."

"_When I was at Mihoshi I smoked weed til I was broke, I cheated every test, and snorted all the coke,_" Mihashi "confessed". "_I got a def posse, you got a bunch of prudes. I'll sit down right on your face and take a shit!_"

"Mihashi! You are a badass pitch-"

"_Hell yeah! And you better pay for the dry cleaning when your shit gets in my shoe!_"

"What about the drug use?" Jun asked.

"I can vouch for that," Abe shouted as he vaulted into the clubhouse and landed n top of Mihashi

"_My clit ain't scared of you!"_ Mihashi growled.

"thjat had better been meant ironically. Okay… one more question if you could make out with anyone on your team-" Jun started to ask, but before Mihashi could reply her voice recorder was snatched away by Nishihiro.

"No more questions," he said gruffly.

With that Mihashi changed back to normal and freaked out that Abe was on top of him. Nishihiro hypnotized Jun to make her forget about the interview and replaced her memory with that of an innocent one, but from that day forward whenever Jun saw Mihashi she had always called him one thing:

"Badass pitch,"


End file.
